Release A New Beginning

Today was a start of a new and delivered me. I was invited to a women's conference today not knowing what to expect the outcome to be. That's what happen when God shows up and show out. He showed up today and sent his angels to witness to me through their own pain and hurt listening to their story. As I sit listening to this one speaker. I felt as if she had stolen my identity just by listening to her past life story. I had to do a self-check, because I felt like this lady who doesn't even know me, exposed me in front of all those ladies at the conference. (The crazy part about it is, she was talking about herself). As my heart began to beat rapidly and my hands began to shake. I realized this is why I am hear. God is speaking to me through this woman and her past. At one point it felt as if I had to use the restroom and my bladder was getting fuller by the moment. I didn't want to get up because if I did I probably would have run out the room. I felt like running because this women of telling my business and exposing me. But it was not her it was God showing an image of who and what I looked like. He was healing me, talking to me, and stripping me of all the shame and guilt I had inside. Shame that was built up inside me. (Going back to when it felt like I had to use the restroom). Me having to use the restroom had become unbearable and there was a lot of pressure. I feel like the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said that pressure you feel is you thinking you have to pee. But it is all the pressure that has built up in you through the years needing to be released. And it is time for you to RELEASE and let go all of your past. Let me heal you and start a new beginning. So, I am FREE from condemnation and I have a story to tell. I have a story to tell and a ministry to unfold... The book has opened Chapter 1...

Set Free Indeed: By God Through Your Story

I am so grateful and thankful that you looked past your hurt and pain to heal someone else through your story. God used you to speak to me at the women conference on this day (Saturday) July 23, 2011. I was delivered and set free from my past. And I thank you for speaking to me in my time of need. I pray that everything is fantastic with you and that you are healed. I pray it was just the enemy trying to keep you from speaking to me. All I can say is that, it was for me. I don't know what the other ladies was going through or if they to was delivered. The only thing I know is that God loved me enough to let me look in the mirror at myself. As I was looking at you and listening to you I saw Meshendia in the mirror. I know we don't look alike but your past was like an mirror image to me. It was so deep that I wanted to run out and run away from everything. But not anymore, it has been uprooted (pulled up from the root) and will no longer be a stump in the grown that keeps my grass from growing out to be green and beautiful. That stump can no longer allow my grass not to grow. That stump will no longer be a circle in my beautiful green yard, because my green grass has been made whole. It is now free to grow without patches in the midst. So, thank you God. Thank you for choosing me, allowing me to be free of my past, and using Mishunda to help set me free.

Starting All Over

There has been a lot of things going on in my life. On May 16, 2011 I was in another car accident. I was sitting at a stoplight when I was hit from behind and causing to be have another impact in the front. This is when I really feel off the health wagon. I couldn't do anything and it was a lot of days I could not walk. I was depressed a lot, which caused me to eat and eat and eat (mainly sweets) I could not hardly hold down regular foods. But found myself pushind down a lot of cookies and ice cream. On May 10, 2011 I was down to 207 lbs. and as of June 29, 2011 9:39pm my weight is 229.4 lbs. I spent over $2,500 in trying to get to the weight within two months. Buying healthy foods and vitamins and supplements. I am so discouraged that I just new that was the end of me being over weight. Not thinking that at the blink of an eye my life could change or something could happen, that would cause me to get off track. Life never said that I would feel like I was fooled into spending that much money to lose weight, when I wasn't strong enough to not over eat when I felt stressed or alone.

Everytime I start a challenge I feel like the enemy has won. "I can do all things through christ who strengthens me" Is what I have wrote on a sheet of paper on my wall beside my bed. I have let this accident throw me off focus. I am back at the weight that I started at over one year ago, and actually almost five pounds more. I am at my heaviest weight I have ever been in my entire life.

A lot of people seems to always have the answer on what's best for you. Which though a lot of the information that is given is useful and helpful. But now is the time to listen to my inner man (whom I call the Holy Spirit) to guide me through this process. As I said before I know God didn't open up that door for me last year for me to be made to look like a fool.

And this journey begins tonight as of 9:55pm as I type this blog. I know my body isn't fully healed from the car accident, but I refuse to gain anymore weight. I am having to my health issues that are starting to surface. Everyday I will blog my foods and what I did to go from 229.4 lbs. to 150 lbs. People say it may be unrealistic, but God says I am more than a conquerer.

To be continued...

No One Ever Said...

No one ever said it would be a struggle with losing weight. No one ever said Meshendia it will be very difficult to stay focused. No one ever said that I would feel like a failure even though I am winning. No one ever said Meshendia you will feel alone in the midst of your journey. One thing I failed to realize is that GOD said in his word that any and every time you try to overcome any obstacle in life the enemy will try to stop you from succeeding. No one ever said girl it may come a time when you feel like the world is against you to the point one day you will sit in your bathroom cry your eyes out, pull your hair, and break down. NO ONE EVER SAID THOSE THINGS SO I CAN BE AWARE. On the flip side if they did tell me those things will I believe them?

Some days I feel like I have conquered the world and on other days I feel as if I have failed myself. I asked myself what is the purpose of me going to the extreme of losing weight?

I posted this song by Mary Mary to remind myself that it is not going to be an easy road. I have came a long ways and accomplished a lot although, it seems like a little. To remind myself when I feel like I have failed I am one day closer to being a winner. A winner of a healthy life, a winner to my family for being able to live longer, A winner in overcoming obesity, A winner to myself, and most of all that I am always a winner in GOD's eyesight.

God purposely allowed me to be in the last weight loss contest and now this one. He purposely allowed me to be tied to the trainer that I have, meet and bond with the ladies that I have crossed paths with. God at the moment I don’t know your purpose for allowing me to go through the struggles of my weight loss process. But one thing I do know, I will SHINE in your name in the end of the process your taking me through. I have my moments when I feel like all is lost. I will continue to see this process through and continue to be healthier and FIT.

With it all said and done, I JUST CAN’T GIVE UP NOW! (Giving GOD all the praise)


too be continued…

Being Obedient to God's Voice

Kansas City Fitness Challenge

The second breaker in this journey was when I signed up for Kansas City Fitness Magazine and was chosen to be one of the 41 contestants to compete for 12 spots in a nine week weight loss challenge.

On August 7, 2010 a friend I workout with at Sexy Back Boot Camps told me about the Susan G. Komen race. I decided right then to just do it. My daughter and I not having any training or preparation ran the Susan G. Komen - Race for the Cure on August 8, 2010. After crossing the finish line I could feel the chains of bondage drop off. In other words at that moment my life officially changed. And I give thanks to God for being with us ever step and run we made.